


to the beat!

by sgwuo



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gen, Humor, Social Media, all of them are there tho, chatfic, i got too lazy to tag each student individually soz, osu!, rhythm game au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2020-11-25 19:53:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20917658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sgwuo/pseuds/sgwuo
Summary: Revered in the past for his unparalleled ability in the rhythm game fodsu!, Byleth returns to the scene after five years of digital exile. His unban is swift, but even swifter are the Black Eagles, Blue Lions, and Golden Deer, who are all rushing to recruit him to their team as fast as possible in time for the Eagle and Lion Tournament at the end of the year.As the year goes on, what will become of those teams, and Byleth? And what is the truth behind his disappearance from the game all those years ago?A rhythm game AU told through chatlogs and Reddit posts.





	1. Chapter 1

**[flair:News] BYLETH LIVE**

> https://twitch.tv/teutatespike NO CAM BUT HIS TWITCH CHANNEL IS LIVE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FIVE YEARS HES BACK BOIS GET HYPE

**#leicester**

**SeirosBot: Community channel for Leicester Alliance players. **

22:10 Failnaught: SNIPED THAT REDDIT POST LIKE AYMR SNIPED FERDINAND VON AEGIRS #1 ON EDGE OF DAWN

22:10 Failnaught: THE MAN THE MYTH THE LEGEND

22:11 Inexhaustible: who this

22:11 Dark Spikes: Inex, you’re joking, right?

22:11 Dark Spikes: You’ve never heard of Byleth before?

22:11 Microsoft Paint: he’s the guy with the ONLY fc on shambhala area 17 

22:12 Microsoft Paint: even after all these years

22:12 Chungus: Hey ignatz

22:12 Chungus: Im eating dinner right now Whats byleth doin

22:12 Freikugel: damn just got online whats everyone screaming about

22:12 Failnaught: frei ur late read up

22:12 Freikugel: (beyonce voice) BYLETH?!

22:13 Dark Spikes: His aim is a little shaky, and his acc tanked on that stream just now.

22:13 Dark Spikes: Makes sense; he got banned five years ago and he doesn’t seem to have been playing offline since then.

22:14 Inexhaustible: eh bladebreakers a better player imo

22:14 Inexhaustible: bet he could come back five years later n pull 900 pp like it was nothing

22:14 Microsoft Paint: spikes he’s still really good though

22:14 Microsoft Paint: i know i wouldn’t be able to hit cross-screen jumps like that if i stopped playing for one year, much less five

22:14 Freikugel: SKSKSKSKS inex really said maybe if byleth did THIS he wouldnt have sliderbroke btwn heaven and earth hddt (bladebreaker fancam)

22:14 Thyrsus: I am glad to see Byleth back in the game. It has been too long.

22:15 Thyrsus: I wonder why he got banned in the first place. 

22:15 Thyrsus: I only know that BladeBreaker and Rhea had some drama years ago, and Byleth’s ban was somehow related.

22:15 Failnaught: thyr bro i think “some drama” might be underselling it

22:15 Failnaught: that shit took up r/fodsugame for WEEKS like

22:15 Failnaught: every new tweet from either of them was being forensic analyzed for clues as to what actually happened

22:15 Failnaught: swear to goddess i bullshat a conspiracy theory that byleth was bladebreakers SON and it got like a thousand updoots and half the sub believed it fr 

22:16 Failnaught: funnest few weeks on that sub ever

22:16 Thyrsus: Most fun*.

22:16 Thyrsus: While you were busy partaking in petty drama, I was practicing my streaming.

22:16 Thyrsus: Maybe that’s why I won our Leicester All Stars match, Failnaught.

22:16 Failnaught: .

22:16 Inexhaustible: hes got you there 

22:17 Freikugel: (clown honk)

**#faerghus**

**SeirosBot: Community channel for Holy Kingdom of Faerghus players.**

22:10 anime pusi: REAL BYLETH HOURS WHO UP

22:10 Decimate: i was watching the stream and then you had to fucking ping the rest of the team.

22:10 Decimate: some crimes can never be forgiven.

22:10 anime pusi: FELIX ARE YOU NOT THE HYPEST MAN ALIVE RN

22:10 anime pusi: UVE LIT SPENT ENTIRE PARAGRAPHS FANTASIZING ABOUT BEING IN A TOURNEY TEAM WITH BYLETH

22:11 Decimate: i do not “fantasize” about anything.

22:11 Decimate: i look forward to surpassing him. that is all.

22:11 Luin: Haha felix don’t lie

22:11 Luin: I have screenshots of your fanboying :)

22:11 Decimate: why do you people insist on calling me by my real name here. and luin if you say anything else i will destroy you.

22:11 Areadbhar: Greetings , Felix ! Are you watching Byleth ‘ s return to Fodsu! As well ?

22:12 Decimate: and i LEAST want to see it from the boar.

22:12 Of the Wind: oh i get it!! you think “decimate” is a cooler name right felix

22:12 Of the Wind: i can relate haha my ign is part of the title of my favorite book

22:12 Of the Wind: yours sounds so mysterious and vicious!  
22:12 Decimate: …

22:13 anime pusi: ashe you are

22:13 anime pusi: a treasure to this world

22:13 anime pusi: holy shit felix is just staring at his computer did ashe make him realize that he was a chuuni all along

22:13 Of the Wind: what?? all i said was his ign sounds mysterious and vicious…

22:13 Mercy: I think so too! n v n “Decimate” just sounds so violent, you can’t help but wonder what kind of cold-blooded person is behind that name!

22:14 Crusher: But Felix is a nice person irl :(( Why would he want people to think he’s mean and awful? :((

22:14 anime pusi: annette are we like

22:14 anime pusi: talking about the same felix here

22:14 anime pusi: he physically pulled me away from my computer and made me choke chasing daybreak maddening on the LAST STREAM because it was my turn to take out the trash

22:14 anime pusi: you just dont do that to a man :( esp not your best friend and roommate who you love but are too tsun to ever admit it :(

22:15 Decimate: sleep with one eye open tonight, sylvain.

22:15 azure flower: Do not threaten each other in the chat. First warning, Decimate. Two more will result in your removal from the team.

22:15 Areadbhar: Dedue it is Okay . He is just Like That … (I am Pensive )

22:15 anime pusi: note how felix doesnt deny it thoijpklj;’

22:16 Luin: That man is dead

22:16 Areadbhar: I Believe common courtesy is to type F when a Man has Died . ?

22:16 Luin: F

22:16 Of the Wind: F

22:16 Crusher: F…

22:16 Mercy: May his soul find solace in the goddess’ grace. F.

22:17 azure flower: F. 

**#adrestia**

**SeirosBot: Community channel for Adrestian Empire players. **

22:10 Vestra: @Aymr I will begin recruitment efforts immediately. We cannot risk losing Byleth to another team when the Eagle and Lion Tournament arrives.

22:10 Aymr: I was thinking the same thing. I trust you will sway him over soon enough.

22:10 shortking: holy SHIT vestra that was FAST

22:10 Ferdinand von Aegir: vestra isn't this a little presumptuous and hasty

22:10 Ferdinand von Aegir: byleth hasn’t even been unbanned, and eagle and lion is still moons away

22:10 Vestra: I must prepare for all outcomes, Ferdinand. 

22:11 Vestra: For the sake of our team’s success in the Eagle and Lion Tournament, I must act swiftly. It might not be something you would understand, self-absorbed as you are.

22:11 sleep man: whhwhats all the hubbub i just woke up

22:11 Petra866: Man of Sleep, it is past 10PM in Fodlan, yes?

22:11 Petra866: Were you having sleep for the entire day?

22:11 sleep man: yea whats it to u petra

22:11 DoroDiva: who is this byleth that i keep hearing about on #fodsu and reddit? sounds like an old player that wasn’t around when i was?

22:11 Ferdinand von Aegir: ONLY THE SINGLE BEST PLAYER ON THE GAME, DORO

22:12 sleep man: ferd can u stop yellin

22:12 Ferdinand von Aegir: Oh of course my apologies!! only the single best player on the game, doro

22:12 DoroDiva: if he’s really all that how come i didn’t even hear of him until now ferdie

22:12 Aymr: He was banned five years ago following a public fight between BladeBreaker and the lead developer of the game, Rhea.

22:12 Aymr: Nobody knows exactly why he was banned, only that it was somehow related to the drama. 

22:13 Petra866: I have belief that his most famous FC was on one of your songs, Dorothea!

22:13 Petra866: I have tried many times to FC your cover of “Scattered Faith” But I was not having success as fast as Byleth! He is being a great source of motivation for me.

22:13 shortking: YOOOOOOOOOO ANYONE ELSE SEE THAT JUMP SEQUENCE

22:13 shortking: FIVE YEARS AND HES STILL GOT IT LETS GOOOOOOOOO

22:13 sleep man: ugh i can hear caspar shouting in the next room

22:14 hikiko: oh h is bylet h joinng us for the c up this ye ar

22:14 DoroDiva: hikiko!!! it’s been a while since i’ve seen you around how are you

22:14 Aymr: hikiko, we’re working on it. Vestra has already PMed Byleth on all the social media platforms that he made public with our recruitment ad. 

22:14 hikiko: o,,h that pr obabl y mean s. yo u won’’t nee d me any more…..

22:14 DoroDiva: no!!! we still very much need you hikiko your aim is godly

22:14 DoroDiva: ive told you before youll always be valued in the black eagles!!

22:15 Aymr: DoroDiva is right, hikiko. Though Byleth was widely considered the best all-around player, we still need you on the team so we don’t lose on tricky jump maps like Shambhala. 

22:15 Aymr: And it has been five years since he last played, after all. It would not surprise me if his aim had deteriorated during that time. 

22:15 hikiko: oh,, than nk you do ro and ay mr…!

22:15 DoroDiva: anytime sweetie <333 

22:15 sleep man: oh right i rmbr bleth

22:16 sleep man: i went thru this phase where id make like

22:16 sleep man: whole papers analyzing how he optimizes his tablet and pen grip

22:16 shortking: LOL smallest amount of time ive ever seen lin sleep

22:16 Petra866: I am not thinking that is a high bar, shortking.

22:16 Petra866: I have witnessed his strange ability to sleep through important tournament matches each time.

22:17 shortking: touche… speakin of which lin

22:17 sleep man: caspar we are lit in the same apartment can u just speak to me irl

22:17 sleep man: typing too much effort zzz

22:17 shortking: YOURE NOT GOING TO SLEEP THROUGH THE EAGLE N LION AGAIN THIS YEAR

22:17 shortking: BYLETHS BACK YOU CANT SLACK OFF NO MORE

22:17 shortking: ILL MAKE SURE OF IT!!!!!!!!!!

22:17 sleep man: how are my ears hurting from reading text

**ban appeal**

Byleth Eisner <beisner@fmail.com> 

to Rhea <rhea@garregmach.edu>

> hey rhea
> 
> bladebreaker boosted my account a long time ago and i fully admit to asking him to do so also i cheated my hdhr apex of the world score 
> 
> boosting and cheating are wrong and bad i wont do it again can i get my account back thanks
> 
> byleth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is absolutely self-indulgent but whatever i'm just here for a good time. i'm not gonna lie i've wanted to write this au for a long while so (peace sign) 14 yr old self this ones for u. i have no IDEA if any ships are gonna be in here (says the man clearly plugging sylvix in the first chapter). im very much writing this for fun/to complete one small thing before i move on to a bigger thing. also forgive my formatting i don't know jack shit about css/workskins so i can't make fancier looking reddit posts. also the chatlogs are meant to resemble the osu! chatlogs hence the lack of spacing between each line
> 
> in case it wasn't clear enough everyone's ign is based on either something heavily associated w the character or their individual paralogue reward/hero's relic. also i tried to make this not that terminology-heavy but there are still some things that are useful to know:
> 
> fc: full combo, playing through an entire song without missing a note  
aim: how well you can aim your cursor to the circle  
acc: accuracy, how on-beat you are/how accurately you hit the note  
pp: performance points, supposedly a quantitative measure of how good you are at the game  
jumps: notes that are placed far apart on the screen  
streams: many notes that appear very close to each other successively appearing. like a fast snake of notes basically  
hd: hidden, the notes appear briefly and then visually fade before you hit them  
dt: double time, song plays at "double" the speed (is actually like 1.75x in the actual osu game but shh)  
hr: hard rock, flips the notes so that they're arranged upside down, makes them smaller and harder to hit on time  
choke: missing a note near the end of a song you were fcing  
boost: having someone else play on your account to inflate pp
> 
> i think thats all i wanted to say hmu @honedragons on twt if u want to assassinate me for writing this instead of literally anything else. thank you for reading if you've made it this far <333


	2. Chapter 2

**Re: ban appeal**

Rhea <rhea@garregmach.edu>

to Byleth < beisner@fmail.com >

Hello, Byleth.

I am so very pleased that you are repentant of your actions.

I will gladly restore your account. Expect full access within the next 24 hours; your scores, besides the cheated and boosted ones that you specified, will remain intact. They may not appear upon your first login, but they will if you hard refresh your browser.

Welcome back. I look forward to seeing what you can do.

Warmest wishes,

Rhea

**[flair:News] BYLETH FUCKING UNBANNED**

https://fodsu.sths/u/Byleth

**short_King 213 points | 32 minutes ago**

POOOOOOOOOOGGGGGGGGGGGGG POG POG POG POG HES BACK BOYSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

**lanceofruin69 358 points | 31 minutes ago**

BLUE LIONS FANCLUB DONT WORRY ill seduce this man with my pp over to our side if its the last thing i do

**LuinFodsu 246 points | 30 minutes ago **

> I am begging you. Please stop posting shit like this on Reddit it’s lowering team morale

**huwei 15 points | 29 minutes ago**

> I’m sure it would be easy for someone as gorgeous as you <3

**villagegirl 27 points | 29 minutes ago **

> HEY RESPOND TO MY PM ITS BEEN MOONS I MISS YOU

**cantthinkofausername 14 points | 29 minutes ago**

> UGH bisexual king we stan

**sleep_man_was_taken 340 points | 30 minutes ago **

i got woken up by the rest of the black eagles when he went live last night and spent the whole night doing a writeup comparing his playstyle from five years ago to now. still a wip since no cam but if anyone wants to read what ive got so far [here it is](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6n3pFFPSlW4)

**Aymr_ 298 points | 29 minutes ago**

> I’ll be sure to read this next I’m free. Thank you for your contributions to the community, as always. 

**lanceofruin69 231 points | 18 minutes ago **

> BRO i missed your analyses sm another legend has returned. sent u a pm with some of my thots 

**fail_not 456 points | 17 minutes ago**

okay i’m as hype as anyone else that he’s back but

does anyone else think this is really sketchy?? usually rhea takes weeks to moons to get back to someone and byleth only started streaming yesterday. and with a lot more scrutiny than this. we dont even know for sure its byleth that streamed yesterday since there was no cam. idk don’t get me wrong i’m really looking forward to seeing what he’s got up his sleeve now but you can’t tell me that something isn’t off here

doesn’t mean i’m not already scheming to get him on our team asap tho LOL gd gang rise UP

**Thyrsus 421 points | 16 minutes ago **

> Failnaught. Check the Golden Deer Discord.

**PM_ME_BLADEBREAKER_SCORES 218 points | 16 minutes ago**

> haha i was thinking the same thing. mbe it had sth to do with the bladebreaker/rhea drama all those years ago. doesnt matter to me anyway im just here to stan bladebreaker

**Dark_Spikes_T 443 points | 15 minutes ago**

> I hope this isn’t the conspiracy that you’re making it out to be, Failnaught. And quite frankly, there are many reasons to believe it isn’t. It’s possible that Byleth sent his appeal several weeks before his stream last night, and the timing of the unban was purely coincidental. 

**fail_not 361 points | 14 minutes ago**

>> tbh i don’t think this is a conversation we should be having on reddit check discord

**Dark_Spikes_T 218 points | 14 minutes ago**

>>> You realize this _ after _ you make that parent comment? I don’t want to see you calling me “baby” ever again.

**we_jopping 106 points | 14 minutes ago**

>>>> wth happened here 

**i_only_eat_chocomint 98 points | 13 minutes ago**

>>>> spikes taking naught seriously??? the only reason i don’t think the world is ending yet is inex’s bladebreaker loveposting

**coldgreen_eyes 85 points | 13 minutes ago**

> arent u the dude that said byleth was bladebreakers fuckin _ son _all those years ago… 

**future___light 76 points | 12 minutes ago**

>> Right?? I’m legit having trouble figuring out of this guy is being serious or not lul

**[fodsu!] Golden Deer Gang **

**Thyrsus | Today at 9:21 AM**

@Failnaught#4859 Do you realize what you’re risking by posting something like that on a public forum that the developers frequent?

People have been _ banned _ for saying less, and you’re the _ captain _of one of the most well-known teams in the game. I would advise you to exercise extreme caution.

That being said, and loathe as I am to say it, I agree with you. The timing of Byleth’s stream last night and his unban mere hours afterwards strikes me as odd. Especially so since the official reason for Byleth’s ban in the first place was not one, but _ two _instances of cheating. It’s exceedingly rare for more than one incident to be forgiven, and so swiftly at that.

**fail stay/naught | Today at 9:24 AM**

aww is lorenz showing _ worry _for me 

hilda have you got the cap

**freik-uwu-gel | Today at 9:24 AM**

_ Sent ARCHIVEDFOREVER.png. _

**fail stay/naught ** ** _Pinned a message to this channel._ **

**Lysithea (Dark Spikes) | Today at 9:24 AM**

Claude told me to check the Discord but all I see is some petty squabbling. Stop acting like children for once in your lives.

**freik-uwu-gel | Today at 9:24 AM**

“stop acting like children” says the baby

**Lysithea (Dark Spikes) | Today at 9:24 AM**

Just because I started playing at twelve doesn’t mean I’m always twelve. Goddess. 

**fail stay/naught | Today at 9:25 AM**

lysi ur still baby in my heart

but yeah back to what lorenz was sayin

reason why i posted it on reddit like that was because i know people have already been whispering about the dev team for a while now. now i dont take this game all too seriously n certainly im not gonna cry about free speech over a circle clicking game but it is kinda sketchy how when people contest their bans publicly they get their post removed somehow

point is im definitely not alone in my thinking, just the fact that my post got like >400 upvotes is proof of that

anyway with my good friend web.archive.org i did some snooping on bladebreakers and rheas twitters (all of these were deleted eventually) and WOW they vague a lot i don’t even know how many of these are really in reference to the drama between them

_ Sent bladebreaker1.png. _

_ Sent bladebreaker2.png. _

_ Sent bladebreaker3.png. _

_ Sent rhea1.png. _

_ Sent rhea2.png. _

_ Sent rhea3.png. _

**artist in residence | Today at 9:26 AM**

claude that’s… a lot of images

but i won’t lie some of these unnerve me

**bladebreaker 2 electric boogaloo | Today at 9:26 AM**

right?? what would drive someone to vaguely tweet “what have you done” esp in reference to… a rhythm game

**Big Chungus | Today at 9:26 AM**

Hahaha maybe rhea just ate bladebrakers last piece of cake :-)

**Lysithea (Dark Spikes) | Today at 9:26 AM**

Raphael, simple as always. 

… I will concede that that would be an unforgivable sin in my books.

But only in _ my _books. 

I… I hate to say this, but I might have been wrong in my initial impression. The mentions of Byleth in these are strange. It’s like Rhea favored him from the moment he joined the game. 

It’s worth checking out, in any case. 

**fail stay/naught | Today at 9:27 AM **

uhhhh guys???

i’d normally gawk at lysi’s admitting that she was wrong for once but

**Lysithea (Dark Spikes) | Today at 9:27 AM**

Shut the fuck up, Claude, I’m having a hard enough time with this as is.

**fail stay/naught | Today at 9:27 AM**

_ Sent wwwhatthefuckishappening.png _

**Thyrsus | Today at 9:27 AM**

… I warned you.

Pl;ease hurry and delete it Claude, she doesnt contact poeple like this for no reason

**fail stay/naught | Today at 9:27 AM**

OKAY ITS DELETED @everyone if u commented in that thread pls delete it as well thanks x

lorenz thats a lot of typoes

**Thyrsus | Today at 9:28 AM**

Well excuse me for being a little in shock at the moment.

**doucedorte | Today at 9:28 AM**

c.. claude?? why did you ping everyone,,,

**freik-uwu-gel | Today at 9:28 AM**

mari hey!! nothing to worry yourself over i promise <3 claude’s just got himself in some trouble with rhea that’s all

**doucedorte | Today at 9:28 AM**

,,,,,, that doesnt sound good at all is he okay,,,,

**fail stay/naught | Today at 9:29 AM**

oh fuck is that rhea outside of my dorm

is that a KNIFE shes holding

**freik-uwu-gel | Today at 9:29 AM**

claude if you stress marianne out any more i will elongate your spine and leave the rest of your body in ailell! :) 

**fail stay/naught | Today at 9:29 AM**

OKAY SAINT SEIROS IM SORRY 

marianne, hilda wasn’t kidding about me being in trouble with rhea but it’s fine i’ve got it all sorted out

so dw about me its all gucci

**doucedorte | Today at 9:29 AM**

oh,, alright if you say so,,,

**fail stay/naught | Today at 9:30 AM**

ugh i have to go to class now but i know i’m gonna be thinking about that message for the rest of the day

**Thyrsus | Today at 9:30 AM**

As will I. The tone and implications of that message were… alarming, to put it lightly.

And the fact that Rhea reacted so strongly to Claude’s mere speculation basically confirms his suspicions.

**bladebreaker 2 electric boogaloo | Today at 9:30 AM**

rhea did sth to bladebreaker in any case and that means she can catch this GLOCK :gun:

**artist in residence | Today at 9:30 AM**

haha leave it to leonie to break the tension

it’s reassuring to know that no matter what comes our way, some of us will always stay the same!

—

**[fodsu!] Blue Lions Best Lions**

**No fun allowed | Today at 9:20 AM**

@CRUSHING PUSSY, MARRY A MAN Care to explain the number of comments under yours on Byleth’s unban post begging you to PM them back?

…

Who changed my name to this?

**CRUSHING PUSSY, MARRY A MAN | Today at 9:20 AM**

ohhh suddenly i got uhhh ass influenza i gotta go

**No fun allowed | Today at 9:20 AM**

Don’t lie to me. You haven’t gotten sick once since you were five.

And even if you were sick, there’s nothing preventing you from reading my messages.

**CRUSHING PUSSY, MARRY A MAN | Today at 9:20 AM**

ohh its uhh the really contagious kind of ass influenza you really dont wanna be around me right now i promise ingrid its really bad

i cant read suddenly i dont know

**decimate | Today at 9:21 AM**

whore.

**Dimitri :-)! | Today at 9:21 AM**

Sylvain ! You appear to Be Alive . I am Surprised that Felix has Decided to Spare You . : )

**decimate | Today at 9:21 AM**

i still need him to wash the dishes while i’m at the gym.

but i am starting to regret my decision.

**CRUSHING PUSSY, MARRY A MAN | Today at 9:21 AM**

aww felix babe just say you couldn’t find it in your heart to slay your lifelong best friend and crush <3

**decimate | Today at 9:21 AM**

your days are numbered. 

**No fun allowed | Today at 9:21 AM**

Wow, I don’t even think I need to lift a finger to kill Sylvain

Felix is doing all the work for me

**ashe!! | Today at 9:21 AM**

aww sylvain you didn’t need to tease felix that much…

he’s probably feeling really embarrassed right now!

**Mercie <3 | Today at 9:21 AM**

I agree~ Sylvain, please be aware of how your words might impact others!

I’m sure Felix is still feeling flustered from your comments last night… unu

**CRUSHING PUSSY, MARRY A MAN | Today at 9:22 AM**

okay i tried to apologize to felix but he just threw a pillow at my face at like mach speed and took off for class

felix’s first class doesn’t start until an HOUR later

**Dimitri :-)! | Today at 9:22 AM**

Sylvain He has just asked me to Spar ?

He Said nothing Else but he seems Mad what ?? Did you do

**CRUSHING PUSSY, MARRY A MAN | Today at 9:22 AM**

dimitri my dude ill never get over ur horrible texting skills

ure the same generation as the rest of us n u text like a fb grandma sharing minion memes with her bingo buddies

**Dimitri :-)! | Today at 9:23 AM**

Answer Please

**Dedue. | Today at 9:24 AM**

Dimitri, I would strongly suggest closing Discord and honoring Felix’s request for your own good. 

I would attempt to quell the threat myself, but Felix is unpredictable, and I do not want to risk further property damage. 

**Annie-Banannie | Today at 9:24 AM**

“Further” property damage? ;;;

Yikes, sounds pretty scary… Dimitri, good luck with Felix! 

**Dedue. | Today at 9:25 AM**

Not caused by Felix. Dimitri got frustrated after retrying Roar of Dominion HD for the 150th time last night and flung his tablet pen into a wall, cracking it by no small amount.

Of course, we patched it up later, but I would still like to avoid destroying our apartment. I would not be able to foresee what Felix would do here in pursuit of Dimitri.

**Annie-Banannie | Today at 9:25 AM**

I… I see… 

I’m glad things worked out in the end, but wow, I can’t imagine the kind of strength you’d need to crack a wall with a tablet pen…

**No fun allowed | Today at 9:26 AM**

Dimitri’s Steve Rogers-like strength aside

Felix is pretty damn mad

Idk why he and dimitri are fencing right in the middle of the courtyard but I was here to catch a breath of fresh air before class

and then I heard felix screaming “THAT DUMB FUCKING HIMBO SYLVAIN” behind me

So much for my peace and quiet -_-

**CRUSHING PUSSY, MARRY A MAN | Today at 9:27 AM**

LMAOOOOOOO thats me im the dumb fucking himbo sylvain

ingrid u gotta tell me whats happening

ure the official dimilix showdown commentator

**No fun allowed | Today at 9:27 AM**

Tell me why you want me to commentate a fight that _ you _technically started?

Don’t answer that actually

I have to agree with felix’s assessment that you are in fact a dumb fucking himbo

Dimitri’s trying his best to placate felix over here but he just keeps getting angrier… will he wear himself out eventually, I wonder

**Annie-Banannie | Today at 9:29 AM**

I’ve got class with him in about an hour, Ingrid! I’ll let you know how he is then

I hope Felix is okay!

**Mercie <3 | Today at 9:29 AM**

But even if he isn’t, I’m sure one of your lovely songs would cheer him right back up, Annie~!

After all, they never fail to cheer _ me _up! 

**Annie-Banannie | Today at 9:30 AM**

Oh, Mercie, you’re embarrassing me… /// 

— 

**[fodsu!] Black Eagles Strike Force**

**Vestra | Today at 9:20 AM**

@Aymr I’m sure you have already heard of the news.

**Aymr | Today at 9:20 AM**

I have.

So Byleth has finally been unbanned.

How interesting. It hasn’t even been 24 hours since he streamed. His unban was unusually fast. Even other top players have had to wait up to moons for even a response.

**Vestra | Today at 9:21 AM**

It appears the Golden Deer captain, Failnaught, has also picked up on this abnormality.

**Short king mama AYE | Today at 9:21 AM**

yall ever wanna talk like normal people for once????

**Vestra | Today at 9:21 AM**

It is no fault of my own that you speak with no sophistication whatsoever, Caspar.

It would do you well to speak with at least a little more decorum. You are, after all, a member of one of the highest-ranked teams in the game. 

I hope I do not need to remind you of what will happen if you fail to represent our team well in the public eye.

**Short king mama AYE | Today at 9:21 AM**

that dont mean i gotta talk like im emperor of all fuckn adrestia tho

**Ferdinand von Aegir | Today at 9:21 AM**

hubert by the goddess it’s a circle clicking game CHILL

**Aymr | Today at 9:21 AM**

Well, Failnaught is a great deal more shrewd than he comes across, I’ll give him that.

Not enough to not post what he did on a public forum with the game’s dev team as moderators, though, it seems. 

Any progress on recruitment?

**Vestra | Today at 9:22 AM**

Frustratingly enough, no. He hasn’t responded to a single one of my inquiries on any platform.

I will redouble my efforts and ask again soon. I need to strategically space out my messages so that he does not think I am overly pushy or annoying.

**dorothea xoxo | Today at 9:22 AM**

well at least you’re considerate of byleth’s feelings hubie 

**Ferdinand von Aegir | Today at 9:23 AM**

hubert man i gotta ask like

do you have a life outside of this game??

**Vestra | Today at 9:23 AM**

I do.

And I would wager good money that mine is more fulfilling and productive than yours.

**Ferdinand von Aegir | Today at 9:23 AM**

hey EXCUSE you

i’m not the one spending literally hours on end writing actual pr statements for a video game team that’s not even part of mainstream esports

unlike you i’ve gone

OUTSIDE

**Petra866 | Today at 9:24 AM**

Being outside is of benefit to the body and mind! I am hoping that everybody is having the chance to do so today. The weather is being nice enough for a walk around Airmid Lake, I am thinking.

**Vestra | Today at 9:24 AM**

Precisely. 

Therefore, I make a conscious effort to be out of doors for at least a few hours a day.

I would fatigue easily otherwise. It would be detrimental to me and the Black Eagles in stamina-based maps.

**Ferdinand von Aegir | Today at 9:25 AM**

like you dont choke and die on marathon maps on the regular

:P

**Vestra | Today at 9:25 AM**

They will not find your body.

**dorothea xoxo | Today at 9:25 AM**

OKAY no threatening each other in the chat!! good vibes only!!

subject change how’s everyone doing this morning!!

**Ferdinand von Aegir | Today at 9:26 AM**

well, it was fine until this clown hubert started ANTAGONIZING me

**Vestra | Today at 9:26 AM**

You quite literally started this little spat. 

**dorothea xoxo | Today at 9:26 AM**

why do i even bother anymore!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont know why the golden deer gang got all the plot either... next time on dragon ball z byleth finally meets everyone else


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> byleth joins the battle

**Welcome to the beginning of the Aymr, Failnaught, Areadbhar group.**

**byleth | Today at 2:54 PM**

hey

**Aymr | Today at 2:54 PM**

Byleth, hello.

Is there any reason you’ve gathered us all here in one group rather than sending PMs individually?

**byleth | Today at 2:56 PM**

too much work

to pm three people separately

when i could just

address you all at once

with the same message

**Failnaught | Today at 2:57 PM**

ohh i get itttt youre going to join the golden deer and humiliate the other two spectacularly :D

**Areadbhar | Today at 2:59 PM**

Fail not I am certain that that is not bye let’s intention

**Failnaught | Today at 3:00 PM**

i see someone finally gave up typing and resorted to voice to text

**byleth | Today at 3:01 PM**

to be honest

i hardly know any of you

i would at least like

to get to know the people 

i would play with first

so i just have 

one request

**Aymr | Today at 3:01 PM**

Yes?

**Areadbhar | Today at 3:02 PM**

As you wish

**Failnaught | Today at 3:02 PM**

anything for u bb ;)

**byleth | Today at 3:03 PM**

nothing huge

i just wanna join ur team discord servers

so i can get a feel for who id potentially b playing with

-

**[fodsu!] Golden Deer Gang**

**artist in residence | Today at 3:00 PM**

FOR THE LAST TIME LORENZ

“CREDIT TO THE ARTIST” IS NOT ACTUAL CREDIT

**fail stay/naught | Today at 3:04 PM**

LOOK SHARP MAGGOTS

BYLETHS ABOUT TO ENTER THE CHAT

**byleth just joined. Can I get a heal?**

**byleth | Today at 3:05 PM**

hey

**Thyrsus | Today at 3:05 PM**

Byleth. It is an honor to finally meet you. 

I look forward to learning from, and playing with you.

My name is Lorenz, but I am known in-game as Thyrsus. 

**freik-uwu-gel | Today at 3:06 PM**

byleth hey!! i’m hilda/freikugel it’s nice to meet you hehe

don’t mind lorenz he’s just like that you know how it is

**Thyrsus | Today at 3:07 PM**

It would behoove you to behave with a little more refinery yourself, Hilda.

After all, we are practically in the presence of a legend.

You should show him the respect that he deserves.

**byleth | Today at 3:08 PM**

not necessary

im pretty ordinary actually

**artist in residence | Today at 3:08 PM**

if you’re “ordinary,” i shudder to think of what you think to be better than you…

oh, i forgot to introduce myself! i’m ignatz, i draw a lot hence my dn haha

**byleth | Today at 3:09 PM**

in real life i am

just as ordinary as any of you

so you dont have to go out of your way

to respect me or whatever

thats what i was

trying to say

**Lysithea (Dark Spikes) | Today at 3:13 PM**

I see I’m a little late to the party. 

Regardless, welcome, Byleth. I hope you don’t find this circus too off-putting.

I’m Lysithea, or Dark Spikes in-game. I may be the youngest one here, but I will ask you not to treat me like a child.

**byleth | Today at 3:14 PM**

wasnt planning on it

**Big Chungus | Today at 3:15 PM**

Haha sorry was eating lunch

**artist in residence | Today at 3:15 PM**

raphael what… it’s 3 in the afternoon

**Big Chungus | Today at 3:16 PM**

Second lunch 

Hi byleth Im raphael :-) Whats ure favorte food

**byleth | Today at 3:17 PM**

most fish dishes probably

i like to fish

**Big Chungus | Today at 3:17 PM**

Good choice 

But you should put some meat on those bones

eat some more red meat an get SWOLE

**byleth | Today at 3:18 PM**

gotta say

i wasnt expecting to get dietary advice

in this chat full of

people that play a game about

clicking circles to the beat

**bladebreaker 2 electric boogaloo | Today at 3:23 PM**

oh hey new person 

sup i’m leonie 

is it true that you also got coached by bladebreaker???

**byleth | Today at 3:24 PM**

you could say that

**bladebreaker 2 electric boogaloo | Today at 3:24 PM**

then that makes you my rival.

i was his first apprentice, and i won’t be outdone by someone who fucked off for five years.

**byleth | Today at 3:25 PM**

what

**Thyrsus | Today at 3:26 PM** **   
** Leonie. Do not antagonize Byleth.

He could be a powerful asset to the Golden Deer. I ask you to not callously drive off what could be the key to our victory at the Eagle and Lion.

**bladebreaker 2 electric boogaloo | Today at 3:26 PM**

pfft whatever dude

**freik-uwu-gel | Today at 3:27 PM**

yeesh sorry about leonie, byleth!! she’s the world’s biggest bladebreaker fan 

don’t take it personal

**byleth | Today at 3:28 PM**

im not dont worry

you all seem like a 

fun 

group of people

**fail stay/naught | Today at 3:30 PM**

yeah these are my clowns we have a grand ol time in here all the time

**Thyrsus | Today at 3:31 PM**

So much for “looking sharp.”

-

**[fodsu!] Black Eagle Strike Force**

**Aymr | Today at 4:24 PM**

I have invited Byleth to the server. Please be on your best behavior. Whether or not he joins us is contingent on what he sees in here.

**byleth has arrived. Party’s over.**

**Short king mama AYE | Today at 4:25 PM**

YOOOOOOOOOOO FR?????????

HOLY SHIT ITS ACTUALLY BYLETH 

@sleepy bitch disease @sleepy bitch disease @sleepy bitch disease

GET THE FUCK UP HES HERE

**sleepy bitch disease | Today at 4:26 PM**

yheh like i didnt get the mesage form u litrlayy screamign in mh ear caspr

oh what a mess that message was. sorryi just woke up

**Aymr | Today at 4:27 PM**

And we’re off to a terrible start.

**Vestra | Today at 4:27 PM**

Byleth, I apologize for my teammates’ conduct. My name is Hubert. My in-game alias is Vestra. You may refer to me as either.

**byleth | Today at 4:28 PM**

my name is byleth

my in-game alias is byleth

you may also refer to me as either

**Vestra | Today at 4:28 PM**

…

**Short king mama AYE | Today at 4:29 PM**

LMFAOOOOOOOO HUBERT

**Ferdinand von Aegir | Today at 4:29 PM**

Greetings, Byleth! I am Ferdinand von Aegir!   
  


**dorothea xoxo | Today at 4:30 PM**

nooo who could’ve guessed ferdie

**Ferdinand von Aegir | Today at 4:31 PM**

Just in case there was any confusion about who I am!

**dorothea xoxo | Today at 4:31 PM**

i can assure you there wasn’t

that aside, welcome to the black eagles server, byleth! i’m dorothea you might have heard a few of my songs hehe

**byleth | Today at 4:32 PM**

wait ur gray waves cover girl

**dorothea xoxo | Today at 4:32 PM**

seiros that was so long ago i’m surprised you even remember it

**byleth | Today at 4:33 PM** **   
** how could i not

_ Sent toomanyretries.png. _

when i grinded it so much for this score

**sleepy bitch disease | Today at 4:33 PM** **   
** that ur...

holy...

byleth do you have the replay file on hand by any chance

or better, do you have stream footage with handcam 

i haven’t seen this play before and i’d like to add it to my research materials

**Petra866 | Today at 4:34 PM**

Hello, Byleth! I am called Petra. :-)

I am hoping you will be joining the Black Eagles soon! I am having much to learn from your guidance.

**byleth | Today at 4:35 PM** **   
** i dont coach

but well see

also @sleepy bitch disease ill pm u

**sleepy bitch disease | Today at 4:36 PM**

you have made me the happiest man alive, byleth.

**Aymr | Today at 4:37 PM**

Does anyone know if Bernadetta is around? 

@bernie

**bernie | Today at 4:37 PM**

aaahh edelgar d what iis it,,,

wa it is that byle;th

**byleth | Today at 4:38 PM**

wait u seem familiar

**bernie | Today at 4:39 PM**

I DIDNT,, CHHEA;T I;;I SWe,eAAR PLLeeASE D.DON

**byleth | Today at 4:40 PM**

ah no i know ur legit um

ur hikiko right

**bernie | Today at 4:41 PM**

yyes thats ,me

**Aymr | Today at 4:42 PM**

You’ll have to excuse Bernadetta’s erraticism, Byleth. My understanding is that her aim was so impeccable that many accused her of cheating and harassed her over it. 

Her performance as a team member is still stellar, but it’s caused her to fear interaction with others. 

It’s also why you won’t see her in this chat much, if at all. 

**byleth | Today at 4:43 PM**

oh thats unfortunate

theres no way shes cheating tho

rhea and the rest of the dev team

are very fast and ruthless

in detecting and banning cheaters

i would know

**bernie | Today at 4:44 PM**

aaahh tahnk yu bbyleth; ;;

**Aymr | Today at 4:45 PM**

Well, I believe at this point you have been introduced to all of the Black Eagles.

**byleth | Today at 4:48 PM**

yes

**Vestra | Today at 4:48 PM**

I hope you will strongly consider joining the Black Eagles for the Eagle and Lion tournament at the end of the year.

You will find that the Black Eagles have many advantages over the other two teams, our overall ranking being one of them. 

**sleepy bitch disease | Today at 4:50 PM**

hubert

**Vestra | Today at 4:51 PM**

We are also by far the most organized, and you would not find the same ambition for absolute victory in any other team.

That is not to say, however, that we could not benefit greatly from your guidance. 

You would be instrumental to our continued success, especially as the Blue Lions and Golden Deer have doubled down on efforts to surpass us in rank. 

**sleepy bitch disease | Today at 4:52 PM**

hubert

**Vestra | Today at 4:53 PM**

Linhardt, it can wait.

You will not regret joining the Black Eagles. I implore you to heavily consider joining us, at least for the year.

**sleepy bitch disease | Today at 4:54 PM**

hubert byleth is already offline

**Vestra | Today at 5:00 PM**

So it would seem.

**Ferdinand von Aegir | Today at 5:00 PM**

HAHAHAHHDFJKAHDJAGKFG DID YOU ACTUALLY SIT THERE FOR SIX MINUTES CONTEMPLATING YOUR LIFE DECISIONS

**Vestra | Today at 5:01 PM**

I dislike vultures.

-

**[fodsu!] Blue Lions Best Lions**

**dumb fucking himbo sylvain | Today at 6:04 PM**

yo who wants to see me solve a 2x2 rubiks cube while playing bass slut

**ashe!! | Today at 6:06 PM**

oh me

**No fun allowed | Today at 6:07 PM**

I’m torn between yes because I’m interested in seeing how you pulled that off in the first place and no because I hate that song

Doubly so because it’s Sylvain’s most played song and trying to watch him fc it while hearing the lyrics was physically painful

**dumb fucking himbo sylvain | Today at 6:10 PM**

fresh from todays vod  [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LxyLrZ6xm2c ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LxyLrZ6xm2c)

**Dimitri :-)! | Today at 6:12 PM**

Cell vein please change your name

Bye let will be arriving soon and I will be rather cross if your crass behavior sways him away from the blue lions

**dumb fucking himbo sylvain | Today at 6:13 PM**

lmao “cell vein” voice recognition at its peak

if he cant handle me at my dumb fucking himbo sylvain he doesnt deserve me at my Lance of Ruin

**Welcome, byleth. Stay awhile and listen.**

**decimate | Today at 6:14 PM**

byleth 1v1 me right now. i’ll set up the lobby. 

**dumb fucking himbo sylvain | Today at 6:15 PM**

THAT WAS IMMEDIATE

**byleth | Today at 6:16 PM**

hello

**Ingrid | Today at 6:17 PM**

Byleth, welcome to the Blue Lions Discord server! Please don’t scroll up.

**dumb fucking himbo sylvain | Today at 6:18 PM**

ayeeee byleth

tell me was it my extremely sexy speed plays that brought u over to the lions

or my irresistible 140p webcam face on stream

**Dedue. | Today at 6:20 PM**

I’m certain it was neither of those things.

Please pay Sylvain no mind, Byleth. I hope his provocative behavior will not turn you away from the Blue Lions. 

I am Dedue. I am grateful that you have joined our server, and hope that one day you will join our team as well.

**byleth | Today at 6:22 PM**

ive seen worse

**Annie-Banannie | Today at 6:23 PM**

A part of me is rlly curious as to what you mean by that

The rest of me is rlly not;;

Oh I’m Annette by the way!!!! It’s nice to meet you!!

**Mercie <3 | Today at 6:24 PM**

And I’m Mercedes! But you can just call me Mercie, if you’d prefer~ 

**ashe!! | Today at 6:25 PM**

i’m ashe! but you probably guessed that from my display name haha

**dumb fucking himbo sylvain | Today at 6:26 PM**

and i am

you guessed it

the dumb fucking himbo sylvjahjkg;’h

**Ingrid | Today at 6:27 PM**

This has to be like the third time this week that Felix is trying to kill Sylvain

and yet I can hear his hysterical laughter all the way from here.

-_-

**Dedue. | Today at 6:28 PM**

Homicide is strictly against team rules.

**decimate | Today at 6:29 PM**

ugh. fine.

**byleth | Today at 6:35 PM**

sorry

was fishing

im home now

wait whats ur name

@decimate

**decimate | Today at 6:35 PM**

doesn’t matter. all that matters is that i can and will surpass you.

**Dimitri :-)! | Today at 6:36 PM**

His name is Felix 

He has a good heart despite his aggression

**dumb fucking himbo sylvain | Today at 6:37 PM**

also hes been sitting in an empty multiplayer lobby for like 20 mins just waiting for byleth to accept his friend request lol

**decimate | Today at 6:38 PM**

unbelievable. literally unbelievable. i don’t respect any of you fucking people.

**Dimitri :-)! | Today at 6:40 PM**

Colon hyphen left parentheses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can i get rid of the longass chapter notes that were on the first chapter and now show up on every subsequent chapter im a boomer


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> felix gets that multiplayer match. mercedes enters another dimension and comes out a god

**#multiplayer**

**Welcome to the room, Byleth!**

Decimate has initiated the roll.

Decimate rolled 6!

Byleth rolled 4!

18:43 Byleth: ok u pick first

Decimate has chosen Chasing Daybreak [Maddening].

Decimate has applied HR.

Byleth has applied HR, HD, FL, SD.

18:44 Decimate: show off. 

18:45 Byleth: am rusty

**#spectator**

Spectating Decimate. 18 others watching.

18:44 anime pusi: holy fuck lmfao this man going all in

18:45 shortking: THATS THE KINDA CONFIDENCE I WANNA SEE

18:45 Decimate: i need to concentrate.

18:45 Luin: Felix you know you can just

18:45 Luin: mute the chat

**#multiplayer**

Byleth has won the round!

18:50 Byleth: my fingers locked up during the last part

18:50 Byleth: need to readjust left hand

18:50 Decimate: are you.

18:50 Decimate: KIDDING.

Decimate passed host to Byleth.

**#spectator**

18:50 shortking: DID HE FUCKING JUST

18:50 shortking: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

18:51 shortking: THAT WAS SOOOO FUCKING HYPEEEEE WHAT AM I EVEN DOING

18:51 shortking: SPECCING DECIMATE

18:52 anime pusi: dw felix ill always be loyal to u <3

18:52 Decimate: if not for the laws of this land

18:52 Decimate: i would have slaughtered you by now.

**#multiplayer**

Byleth has chosen What Lies At The End [Mila’s Lunatic]. 

Byleth has applied DT. 

Byleth has applied HD.

Decimate has applied HR, HD.

18:52 Decimate: my pengrip was off last time. i’ll win.

18:52 Byleth: ok

Byleth has won the round!

18:54 Decimate: …

18:54 Decimate: that time it was the slider 30 secs from end that i choked on.

18:55 Decimate: again.

18:56 Byleth: ok

Byleth passed host to Decimate.

Decimate has chosen Alight (Storm) [Raijinto’s Thunderstorm].

Decimate has applied DT.

Decimate has applied HR.

Byleth has applied HR, HD. 

**#spectator**

18:57 anime pusi: “fuck tech maps” he says at the desk not three feet away from me

18:57 anime pusi: as he picks the wackiest tech map of the last year

18:57 Luin: No hd this time?

18:58 Areadbhar: Yuou can Do It Felicx :-)

**#multiplayer **

Byleth has won the round!

-

Sylvain is startled from his position on his bed, his laptop nearly falling off his chest, when Felix balls his hand into a fist and slams it on the desk. He hears his tablet pen clatter to the ground.

“Whoa, hey, buddy,” Sylvain says, lazily reaching his arm out toward his roommate in what he means to be a reassuring gesture but only serves to direct the full force of Felix’s glare towards him. “Calm down, relax, it’s just a game.”

“It’s a game that I intend to win,” Felix growls, turning back to his own computer. “I just don’t get it. Byleth has to have been playing offline all this time. How the fuck else can he slap  _ Flashlight  _ of all things on a map and  _ win? _ ”

“I don’t have an answer to that, Fe,” Sylvain responds, his arm drooping back down over the side of the bed frame, “but I haven’t seen you this mad at the game since… ever, actually. Maybe it might be a bad idea to keep playing a game that just makes you madder and madder? Just a thought.”

“No. I  _ will  _ see this through. I will not be satisfied until I have won one round against Byleth.”

Felix picks his tablet pen up from the floor where it had dropped. He types something out quickly and all but pounds the Enter key. Sylvain isn’t sure how they haven’t gotten noise complaints yet, considering that Felix is typing like a madman on a Cherry MX Blue.

“Come onnn,” Sylvain whines. “Take a break. I’ll take you out for a night snack at that cyber cafe down the street after this round, win or lose, that sound good to you?”

Felix only grumbles something incoherent in response. Sylvain thinks he heard his name and some curses in there, somewhere, but it’s the closest to assent he’ll get, so he decides he’ll take it.

-

**#multiplayer**

Decimate passed host to Byleth.

Byleth has chosen Land Below (Flow) [Revelations].

19:02 Decimate: nomod this time.

19:02 Decimate: let’s have an even matchup.

19:03 Byleth: ok

Decimate has declined to apply any mods.

Byleth has declined to apply any mods. 

19:03 Byleth: havent played this one before

19:03 Byleth: total sightread

Decimate has won the round!

19:09 Decimate: what happened.

19:09 Decimate: your accuracy tanked halfway through.

19:10 Byleth: cat

19:10 Decimate: …?

19:11 Byleth: just woke up from her nap

19:11 Byleth: sat on my arm

19:12 Byleth: wont move 

19:12 Byleth: gtg

Byleth has left the room.

19:12 Decimate: …

Decimate has left the room.

The room has closed.

**#faerghus**

20:23 Of the Wind: @Decimate so how’s that cyber cafe? i’ve always wanted to go there but i’ve never had the time haha

20:23 anime pusi: felix is angrily eating his popcorn chicken rn so ill answer: what have i been DOING 

20:24 anime pusi: i dont think ive had better boba in my entire life

20:25 Luin: Shit, I could DESTROY a whole thing of popcorn chicken right now

20:25 Luin: The one on Cichol St right? I’m heading right over

20:25 Crusher: Oh, if the rest of you are going, I’ll come too! 

20:26 Mercy: Me too~ If Ashe, Dimitri, and Dedue come, the Blue Lions could play a local multiplayer match! I think that would be fun~

20:26 Of the Wind: no time like the present! i’ve been staring at this essay for too long anyway sighs

20:26 Mercy: @Areadhbhar @azure flower I hope you two can make it!

20:27 azure flower: Neither of us have eaten yet, and Dimitri broke his keyboard again just now.

20:27 azure flower: We may be a little late, but we’ll come. 

20:28 anime pusi: SWEET THE WHOLE GANGS HERE

20:28 anime pusi: hol up dimitri did what now

-

Ashe is the first to arrive. Neither Felix nor Sylvain notice that he’s pushed his way through the line and is now carrying a plate of dumplings and a cup of boba until he sits down and taps Felix on the shoulder to wave hello. Felix, popcorn chicken halfway down his throat, jumps in his seat and also nearly chokes, to which Ashe gives a light chuckle. Annette, Mercedes, and Ingrid are next, the three having ran into each other on the way. Ingrid has on her tray a pile of food that would worry a normal person, but her friends know her well enough to know that it will evaporate within the hour. 

Like Dedue said they would be, he and Dimitri are last to arrive. Sylvain looks at the bowl of cheese dip to the side of Dimitri’s own fried chicken, looks at Dimitri’s face, which he can almost see the drool on, and looks at Dedue, whose own face is scrunched up as he endures what Sylvain can only imagine to be a test from the goddess. There had clearly been a solid effort on Dedue’s part to prevent his friend from eating cheese all three meals of the day. Sylvain feels a twang of sympathy. Dedue is a good man. He’ll have to remind himself to take him out for lunch one of these days.

“It’s been too long,” says Mercedes, picking food off her and Annette’s shared plate. “We go to the same university, but I feel like it’s been ages since we really got the chance to sit down together like this. And to think we reunited so surreptitiously!”

“I’m not here to make small talk with the rest of you,” Felix replies, clearly trying to sound dark and threatening, but failing due to his mouthful of food. “I’m here to  _ win. _ ” 

“Aw, don’t be mean!” If Felix holds up against Ashe’s kicked-puppy pout, Sylvain will consider him the strongest man alive and hand him the keys to his car for the rest of his life. “I’ve missed talking to you too, you know. You still haven’t told me the stray cat story you promised to tell last time!”

“What?!” Annette is leaning over half the table now, eyes wide in wonder. “Felix has a cat story and didn’t tell me? How could you, Felix, you’re awful!”

This kind of banter lasts for the rest of the meal. Despite the fact that they haven’t seen each other in a long time, the Blue Lions are talking as if no time at all has passed. 

-

Mercedes stretches her fingers out before her and logs into the computer before her. The keyboard before her is much more expensive than the one she has at home: the ease with which she can tap on them and the colorful backlights are proof of that. The Lions are split into teams for this game: on the red team is herself, Annette, Felix, and Ingrid; on the blue team is Dedue, Dimitri, and Sylvain. To make up for the unbalanced number of people in each team, the win conditions are changed: whichever team has the highest average accuracy at the end of the map gets the point. 

The coin flip gives the red team their first pick on map. Ingrid chooses a song from a video game’s OST, and, to Mercedes’ relief, it’s one that she’s practiced in the past, though she had never full comboed it. The new setup takes some getting used to, and it looks like the red team’s accuracy is suffering for it, but they quickly recover, and that crown at the top of the screen is tipping in their favor.

Mercedes isn’t aware of it happening, but about thirty seconds in, she starts spacing out. She thinks about the stray dog that she saw the other day on campus, and wonders if someone eventually took it to a shelter; the poor thing was shivering in the cold. Which leads her, somehow, to thinking about her little brother, which leads further into some of her childhood memories. Her hands are just moving on their own, now, her tablet pen tracing the shape of each jump pattern and stream that appears on the screen, and her left fingers following suit. As Mercedes is just getting started on ruminating on how she met Annie when she was in high school and Annie in middle, she thinks she hears yelling from the blue team’s side of the room? And, oh dear, that timer under her score is close to ending, isn’t it— 

“Mercie! Mercie, goddess, that was amazing!” Annette just about leaps from her own seat and jumps on Mercedes, and the latter finally snaps out of whatever trance she was just in. Sure enough, on her screen were two golden S’s, and the rest of the Blue Lions had pounced on her setup, either taking pictures or yelling praise for a difficult score that was now undoubtedly her best. Mercedes lets out a light chuckle, raising her hand to cover her mouth.

“Ugh, that was godly, Mercie,” says Sylvain, reaching around Annette with his phone to take a picture of the screen. “Marry me, right now. Our babies will win all the tournaments and we can live off the prize money.” Ingrid punches him in the shoulder, but she, too, is beaming in Mercedes’ direction.

-

**[flair:Gameplay] Mercy | Stella Magna - Paradise Lost [Impossible] (sleep man | 7.32*) 99.32% FC #1 | 657pp | 85.56 UR | Personal best**

**worldendrondo 54 points | 13 minutes ago**

do you not know how to take a screenshot

**lanceofruin69 102 points | 12 minutes ago**

> no it comes with being a dumb fucking himbo xo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> got roundhouse kicked by school sorry for the fact that i havent updated in like a full MONTH LOL. i'm like not really happy w this chapter but if it stays in the document any longer it would literally never see the light of day so. as a side note have y'all seen that fucking video on r/osugame where a guy doubletapped hidamari on a hooker's ass? i think that's humanity's peak right there like it's all downhill from here


	5. Chapter 5

**[fodsu!] Golden Deer Gang**

**fail stay/naught | Today at 5:21 AM**

@borenz

@borenz

@borenz

@borenz

hey @borenz

**borenz | 6:32 AM**

Whwat 

is it

whoi s borezn

claud

e

is too early for this sht

**fail stay/naught | Today at 6:33 AM**

SOMEONE LIVES

…

yo did lorenz just block me

**bladebreaker 2 electric boogaloo | Today at 6:46 AM**

i would too if i were him

anyway good morning claude

**fail stay/naught | Today at 6:47 AM**

leonie can you do me a favor and tell lorenz to unblock me

i need to tell him something important

**bladebreaker 2 electric boogaloo | Today at 6:47 AM**

are you just going to say “bitch” and leave

**fail stay/naught | 6:48 AM**

hell yeah

**bladebreaker 2 electric boogaloo | Today at 6:48 AM**

hell yeah

@borenz hey unblock claude he has something important to tell you

**borenz | Today at 7:06 AM**

I apologize for my disorderly conduct earlier. Evidently, I am not at my best before I’ve had my tea, though I still believe most of the fault lies with Claude for trying to contact me at five in the bloody morning.

@fail stay/naught I have unblocked you. Speak.

**fail stay/naught | Today at 7:07 AM**

bitch

**borenz | Today at 7:07 AM**

Blocked. 

**fail stay/naught | Today at 7:08 AM**

HAHHFAHAHHJDFHDKGJHLSD

ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE

no but actually i do need to discuss sth w u

**borenz | Today at 7:09 AM**

The Eagle and Lion mappool that just came out, correct? 

It was wholly unnecessary for you to notify me of that at… five in the morning.

Please tell me you didn’t pull another all-nighter.

**fail stay/naught | Today at 7:10 AM**

what can i say im an early riser lol

**borenz | Today at 7:11 AM**

Claude.

**fail stay/naught | Today at 7:11 AM**

lorenz.

**borenz | Today at 7:12 AM**

Claude, please, you must stop sleeping irregularly like this. I shouldn’t need to remind you of the consequences to your health. 

Is this because of the message that you got the other day?

**fail stay/naught | Today at 7:13 AM**

…

ugh yeah it is

you know how it is, i just couldn’t let that go without like investigating it and everything

but enough about that, what do you think we should pick for the warmup

i’m thinking shambhala, nice and techy, i don’t think any map in the pool is more janky than that one 

**borenz | Today at 7:13 AM**

I do not appreciate you changing the subject, but I recognize that I am not likely to get much more out of you in this state, so… 

I’m personally leaning more towards Alight. It’s one of the more physically intense songs; if we can pass that, the rest of the mappool should be easy enough to take.

**fail stay/naught | Today at 7:14 AM**

lol the ez pp map 

**borenz | Today at 7:14 AM**

“EZ PP map” it may be, it is still the most suitable map I can think of for a warmup.

**fail stay/naught | Today at 7:15 AM**

ok actually im way too tired to fight u on this

warmup is alight

wb bans

idt anyone here has managed to even pass verge of death

**borenz | Today at 7:15 AM**

Claude, you seem just about _ at  _ the verge of death yourself. Take a nap. We’ll reconvene later in the day, when you have your wits about you.

**fail stay/naught | Today at 7:16 AM**

BRO?

BRO????

SOMETHINS UP WITH U MAN IVE NEVER HAD U BE NICE TO ME THIS MANY TIMES IN QUICK SUCCESSION

**borenz | Today at 7:16 AM**

Would you rather I force you to sleep, in person, when I arrive in Derdriu next week?

**fail stay/naught | Today at 7:16 AM**

excuse me when you  ** _WHAT_ **

**borenz | Today at 7:17 AM**

Father has business in Derdriu and, of course, I am expected to accompany him. I am not fond of the idea of staying by his side the whole time, however. I was thinking of visiting Derdriu University at some point, and bringing my tablet with me.

Claude?

I do hope his being offline means that he’s sleeping.

—

**freik-uwu-gel | Today at 12:54 PM**

claude

claude

@fail stay/naught

@fail stay/naught

get online you OAF i’m bored and wanna do a tag

**angysithea | Today at 12:55 PM**

You could just DM him, Hilda, you didn’t need to let the entire team know how bored you are.

…

Okay, what’s up with everyone’s names?

**freik-uwu-gel | Today at 12:56 PM**

oh lol

lemme check audit logs

okay i guess claude took a break from tinfoil hatting to change peoples dns at

four in the morning

these are funnier youve gotta admit

“Lysithea (Dark Spikes)” has got NO personality girl!! youre so much more than that!!

**angysithea | Today at 12:58 PM**

Uh, I’m pretty sure I’m also more than being… “angy?”

This is a childish nickname. I want it changed.

**doucedorte | Today at 12:59 PM** **   
** o,,,oh i thinkk its cutee,,

remindss me of,, a little kittenn,;;,

**angysithea | Today at 1:00 PM**

Dammit. You know I can’t get mad at you for anything, Marianne.

Wait, Marianne? You’re rarely online. What’s the occasion?

**freik-uwu-gel | Today at 1:01 PM**

_ Sent weirritating.png. _

im over at her place for the day!! 

**angysithea | Today at 1:02 PM**

Don’t you live a 6 hour drive from her?

**freik-uwu-gel | Today at 1:02 PM** **   
** yeah AND?

wait since ur here lys do u wanna get in a multi room w me and mari

if claude gets his dumb butt online we can do a tag4

**angysithea | Today at 1:03 PM**

Only if I get my name changed back.

**The Great Lysithea, Queen of All the Lands | Today at 1:03 PM**

Then I might join. I’ve got some free time anyways.

…

You know what, I think this might be the most I’m getting out of you people, so I’ll take it.

**fail stay/naught | Today at 1:04 PM**

“you people” she says as if she isnt also a full fledged member of the deer gang

**freik-uwu-gel | Today at 1:04 PM**

CLAUDE U CLOD UR FINALLY ONLINE i sent u the link to the mp room

**fail stay/naught | Today at 1:04 PM**

oh swaggity 

also give me a second i dreamt that lorenz said he was coming over to derdriu and i need to verify that it wasnt real

**freik-uwu-gel | Today at 1:05 PM** **   
** u dreamt that WHAT

**fail stay/naught | Today at 1:05 PM**

OH FUCK ME IT  _ WAS _ REAL

hhhheyyy hilda u got like a summer home i can hide out at xo

**freik-uwu-gel | Today at 1:06 PM**

i… i mean i actually do, near fodlans throat, but its way too much work to dust everything off and the pure comedy of u n lorenz being in the same place is too great to just let go xo

**fail stay/naught | Today at 1:06 PM**

HILDA HOW COULD YOU BETRAY ME LIKE THIS

I THOUGHT WE WERE HOMIES

BEST FRIENDS

RIDE OR DIE WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT HILDA :(

**freik-uwu-gel | Today at 1:07 PM**

i might reconsider if u get into the mp room that i sent u like twenty minutes ago!! <3

-

**#multiplayer**

**Welcome to the room, Failnaught!**

13:08 Freikugel: SEIROS CLAUDE dont u kno its rude to keep a lady waiting

13:08 Freikugel: let alone THREE

13:09 Failnaught: LOLOLOL mb mb does lysi count as a lady tho shes like 2

13:10 Dark Spikes: Try that shit again and see where you end up.

13:11 Blutgang: o,h,, um,,, ple;ase dont fight,;,,,,

13:11 Freikugel: YOU HEARD HER

13:12 Dark Spikes: … Sorry Marianne.

13:12 Failnaught: sorry marianne

13:12 Failnaught: ok which map are we doing

13:13 Failnaught: im thinkin the ole classic

13:13 Failnaught: winds across the plains

13:14 Dark Spikes: I feel like only the boomers of fodsu! know of that one.

13:14 Failnaught: oh my goddess did lysithea just call me a boomer

13:15 Freikugel: winds sounds good

13:15 Freikugel: lol did petra ever manage the ez fc

13:16 Freikugel: the song isnt even that intense the jumps are just yucky if ur doing them solo

13:20 Blutgang: im,;; im sorr y i mi,ssse d at the end,,,,;;,,

13:20 Blutgang: i,,,knew i shouldn;t have join,,ed,,;,

13:21 Freikugel: nooo you didnt do anything wrong!!! 

13:21 Freikugel: im sure it was the client bugging out again u know how weird it can be with tag maps

13:22 Freikugel: im going to fistfight rhea for making the client buggy enough to make mari sad!!!

13:23 Dark Spikes: Not sure that’s the best thing to do when our team captain is already catching heat from the dev team.

13:23 Freikugel: oh but lysi consider this

13:24 Freikugel: marianne is sad

13:25 Failnaught: hildas gay pining aside are we gonna pick another tag map

13:25 Failnaught: damn all of them are old as fuck though

13:26 Failnaught: wait i know who would know someone whos old enough to have played a good few tag maps

-

**fail stay/naught | Today at 1:27 PM**

@bladebreaker 2 electric boogaloo

hey leonie would you happen to have a list of tag maps that bladebreaker has fced

**bladebreaker 2 electric boogaloo | Today at 1:27 PM**

WOULD I EVER!

_ Sent bladebreakermapcollection.zip _

he sent me this forever ago but if you search “tag” you should get every one that he has ever played

**fail stay/naught | Today at 1:27 PM**

knew i could count on you

,

wait

this

this is a massive. folder.

like, my computer immediately gave me a warning that it was going to run out of space if i tried to download this

**artist in residence | Today at 1:28 PM**

w-wow does that mean claude has a cluttered computer or that leonie has a really impressive one

**bladebreaker 2 electric boogaloo | Today at 1:28 PM**

it’s the first one for sure, i can’t really afford a computer with a huge amount of space

**The Great Lysithea, Queen of All the Lands | Today at 1:29 PM**

I hate to interrupt, but my good friend Cyril expressed an interest in joining the server.

He doesn’t really play the game, but I guess he finds this circus funny, somehow.

Is it alright if I invite him?

**fail stay/naught | Today at 1:30 PM**

oh sure heres the link

_ Sent server invitation link. _

**The Great Lysithea, Queen of All the Lands | Today at 1:30 PM**

Thanks.

**Cyril just slid into the server.**

**fail stay/naught | Today at 1:31 PM**

HEY CYRIL

**freik-uwu-gel | Today at 1:31 PM**

hi cyril!! my name is hilda hehe

**Cyril | Today at 1:32 PM**

Hey

Wait fail stay naught aren’t you the… banana nut muffin guy

**bladebreaker 2 electric boogaloo | Today at 1:32 PM**

he’s the WHAT

**The Great Lysithea, Queen of All the Lands | Today at 1:32 PM**

Yep, that’s him. 

**fail stay/naught | Today at 1:33 PM**

WHAT

NO THAT WAS ONE TIME 

LYSITHEA IM BEGGING YOU DONT TARNISH MY IMAGE LIKE THIS

also my name is claude lol

**The Great Lysithea, Queen of All the Lands | Today at 1:33 PM**

Nope, that’s your legacy now, Mr. Banana Nut Muffin.

You called me baby one too many times, and it’s coming right back at you.

Bitch.

**borenz | Today at 1:34 PM**

I see we have a new member of the server. Welcome, Cyril. My name is Lorenz. I do hope you find this place hospitable. 

**The Great Lysithea, Queen of All the Lands | Today at 1:34 PM**

Cyril, that’s the guy whose white Valentino bag had lipstick spilled in it

**Cyril | Today at 1:34 PM**

Oh white Valentino bag guy!

That video is hilarious I still have it saved on my phone

**borenz | Today at 1:35 PM**

I beg your pardon?

**The Great Lysithea, Queen of All the Lands | Today at 1:35 PM**

Then beg.

**fail stay/naught | Today at 1:35 PM**

then beg

**freik-uwu-gel | Today at 1:35 PM**

then beg

**artist in residence | Today at 1:35 PM**

then beg

**THE FUCKING STRONG | Today at 1:35 PM**

Then Beg

**bladebreaker 2 electric boogaloo | Today at 1:35 PM**

then  _ beg. _

**Cyril | Today at 1:35 PM**

Then beg

**doucedorte | Today at 1:35 PM**

then beg

**fail stay/naught | Today at 1:35 PM**

holy  ** _shit _ ** guys that was FLAWLESS

**byleth | Today at 1:35 PM**

then beg

what is borenz begging 4

**fail stay/naught | Today at 1:35 PM**

.

AAAAAAAAAAASAHJKFDLSJHLKGHJFDSG

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tag map (copypasted from osu wiki): Each player is responsible for one comboset, where each hit object in that comboset is mapped to be extremely farther apart, making it nearly impossible to play by a single player. Therefore it becomes a challenge for elite players in terms of precision of jumping.
> 
> special thanks to the fuckhouse and fox magna servers for hyping me enough to power through this chapter you guys are the best. and also shoutout to juice (eternalsession on ao3) for being awake at absurd hours he's the reason cyril is here. read tea time to know what the fuck "banana nut muffin guy" means


	6. Chapter 6

**[flair:News] byleth wants a bagel**

_Image description: A picture of a Tweet from byleth @fishfan69, posted on 17 Horsebow Moon at 02:21. The Tweet reads “i want a bagel”._

**[flair:News] byleth pet his cat today **

_Image description: A picture of a Tweet from byleth @fishfan69, posted on 19 Horsebow Moon at 14:29. The Tweet reads “i pet my cat today”. Attached is a picture of a hand, presumably Byleth’s, on the back of a black cat with pale green eyes. The picture is somewhat blurry._

**[flair:News] BYLETH GOT HIS BAGEL **

_Image description: A picture of a Tweet from byleth @fishfan69, posted on 20 Horsebow Moon at 03:42. The Tweet reads “bagle”. Attached is a picture of a bagel. _

**sleep_man_was_taken 263 points | 1 hour ago**

astonishing. i’ve compiled all his tweets from the past few days and reached one conclusion and that is that byleth subsists on petting his cat and consuming bagels. his improved performance in the game should, therefore, be directly correlated to the frequency at which he pets his cat and consumes bagels. i will attempt this method myself and report back with results.

**hit_it_ferdie 347 points | 40 minutes ago**

> Linhardt sleepman you are an irreplaceable and vital asset to the Black Eagles which is why I have to ask: what, pray tell, the fuck are you on about

-

**[fodsu!] Black Eagle Strike Force**

**youve stooped low enough for me to reach | Today at 4:17 PM**

lin has no joke been passed TF out since like 4 this morning

**Petra866 | Today at 4:17 PM**

That is… not healthy.

**youve stooped low enough for me to reach | Today at 4:18 PM**

RIGHT i keep tellin the guy that he should get up early and work out like me

but all i get is “ururhghghrhghg” and “fuck off caspar its 6 in the morning”

also we have entirely too many bagels in our fridge rn

so if ur literally ever in need of a bagel u kno who to call

**Aymr | Today at 4:19 PM**

…

How am I supposed to respond to that.

Well, while I’m here, I suppose I should let everybody know that Byleth will be playing with us for an upcoming scrimmage.

**youve stooped low enough for me to reach | Today at 4:20 PM**

REAL SHIT?

also 4:20 ay its the weed number lol

**Vestra | Today at 4:20 PM**

Our victory is paramount. I trust that you all are aware of this.

Because of the way the scrimmage is organized, every member of the Black Eagles is expected to be present and _on time_ so that members can switch in and out of the room as needed.

@dont talk me im tired That especially goes for you, Linhardt. You are on thin ice as is. Show up on time. @youve stooped low enough for me to reach Caspar, I am counting on you to ensure that Linhardt is awake for the match.

**youve stooped low enough for me to reach | Today at 4:21 PM**

u got it boss

-

**dont talk me im tired | Today at 5:39 PM**

h

**Petra866 | Today at 5:40 PM**

He rises!

**dont talk me im tired | Today at 5:42 PM**

.

im gonna be honest

i have zero memory of last night

**Eagle 3 | Today at 5:43 PM**

For the love of the goddess read the backlog

**dont talk me im tired | Today at 5:43 PM**

and if any of u tell mw ti read tje backlog i will end y

.

ferdinand

_Sent imahealerbut.png._

**dorothea xoxo | Today at 5:44 PM**

this is a thrilling saga

linhardt has just gone offline

will he discover the bagels

i need updates i’m on the edge of my seat here

**youve stooped low enough for me to reach | Today at 5:45 PM**

SEIROS I HOPE HE DOES

IVE FED SO MANY BIRDS TODAY

THEYRE GOING TO BE SO FFFUCKING CHONKY

AND WE STILL HAVE

LIKE

HALF A FRIDGES WORTH OF BAGELS

**byleth | Today at 5:46 PM**

what

**Aymr | Today at 5:46 PM**

Oh, Byleth. It’s good to see you back.

**byleth | Today at 5:47 PM**

why do u have

so many baglels

i dont think

u need

that many bagel

s

**youve stooped low enough for me to reach | Today at 5:48 PM**

_Sent isittoolatetoswitchroommates.jpg._

its labeled “research materials”

do u want one

**dorothea xoxo | Today at 5:49 PM**

he… went offline

**youve stooped low enough for me to reach | Today at 5:49 PM**

@byleth u should join the black eagles 4 da turney

ur not getting bagels from the lions or deer now r u

**Eagle 3 | Today at 5:50 PM**

I should hope the eagles have more to offer than bagels!

**youve stooped low enough for me to reach | Today at 5:53 PM**

IMPORTANT UPDATE

lin has discovered the bagels

he just

he went to the fridge right

he opened

the fridge door

**Vestra | Today at 5:54 PM**

Are you incapable of condensing what you want to say in less than five messages?

**youve stooped low enough for me to reach | Today at 5:54 PM**

no the FUCK i am not thank you for asking

so anyway lin opened the fridge door

looked at all the bagels

looked at me

held the stare for a good twenty seconds

and wordlessly returned to his computer

**dorothea xoxo | Today at 5:55 PM**

what is he doing now i have to know.

**youve stooped low enough for me to reach | Today at 5:57 PM**

he

is

just sitting there

_Sent heisjustsittingthere.jpg._

HE DIDNT EVEN SAY ANYTHING

**Eagle 3 | Today at 5:58 PM**

What a profound disappointment

**youve stooped low enough for me to reach | Today at 5:58 PM**

RIGHT

**Eagle 3 | Today at 5:58 PM**

Is he… at least doing something on the computer?

**youve stooped low enough for me to reach | Today at 6:01 PM**

idk i think hes mapping sth??

**Vestra | Today at 6:02 PM**

I wager his time would be better spent practicing the mapset that was just released.

**youve stooped low enough for me to reach | Today at 6:02 PM**

wh

is he mapping a VINE

**dorothea xoxo | Today at 6:02 PM**

WHAT VINE

**youve stooped low enough for me to reach | Today at 6:03 PM**

ok u kno the one where its like

there are trumpets n shit blaring and at one point a man comes in and yells IM GOIN TO JAIIILLL

**dont talk me im tired | Today at 6:04 PM**

@Vestra ive lost this much control over my own life already what makes u think i can commit to practicing anything

@youve stooped low enough for me to reach im hungy can we get takeout

**Petra866 | Today at 6:05 PM**

Linhardt, would it not be a better idea to eat one of the many bagels you bought instead of spending money on dinner?

**dont talk me im tired | Today at 6:06 PM**

another unfortunate reminder of my complete lack of impulse control

@youve stooped low enough for me to reach change of plans can you throw a bagel in the toaster

**byleth | Today at 6:08 PM**

whens the scrim

**Aymr | Today at 6:08 PM**

The scrimmage will take place on Horsebow 14, 17:00. I will send an ingame message to the Black Eagles at 16:45 so none of you are caught off guard.

**Aymr Pinned a message to this channel.**

**Eagle 3 | Today at 6:10 PM**

Fear not! I, Ferdinand von Aegir, will arrive promptly without requiring the aid of Aymr’s reminder!

**dorothea xoxo | Today at 6:10 PM**

hello yes i’d like to report a lost child he’s in a fodsu chat but thinks he’s at the ren faire

**Eagle 3 | Today at 6:11 PM  
**as a matter of fact, I do have a lovely sword that I once obtained from a Ren Faire!

_Sent sword.jpg._

**dorothea xoxo | Today at 6:11 PM**

of course you do

anyways i’ll be there!

**youve stooped low enough for me to reach | Today at 6:12 PM**

bagel has been YEETED into the toaster

also can i stream

**Aymr | Today at 6:13 PM**

It’s not a particularly private match. Knock yourself out.

**youve stooped low enough for me to reach | Today at 6:13 PM**

SWAG

this stream is going to be lit as HELL we got BYLETH we got the SQUAD lets FUCKING GO

**Petra866 | Today at 6:13 PM**

I thought “swag” was slang of the past. Is that not the case?

**dont talk me im tired | Today at 6:14 PM**

no ur right

also caspar if ur gonna stream can u do it w the door closed u get rly loud i can hear u thru my headphones

and keep the property destruction to a minimum thanks

**Petra866 | Today at 6:15 PM**

The fact that that needs clarification gives me concern.

**dont talk me im tired | Today at 6:15 PM**

yea no caspars a different beast

byleth hit that one like 350bpm stream on funeral of flowers that no1 else has ever hit

and he broke a shelf in half

and then mbe 3 mins later when byleth hit that cross screen jump sequence

u kno the one that singlehandedly bumps the map up to 9*

he _ripped the shelf off_

did the goddess bless us humans with physical strength so that this could happen

**youve stooped low enough for me to reach | Today at 6:18 PM**

LISTEN MAN YOU DONT KNO HOW FUCKEN HYPE THAT WAS

THAT SHIT WAS INSANE YOU HAD TO BE THERE

**dont talk me im tired | Today at 6:19 PM**

i in fact was there

right outside ur room actually as u threw ur entire chair thru the door

but i will concede that it was a very exciting time so i do not blame u

**youve stooped low enough for me to reach | Today at 6:19 PM**

YEAH U GET ME

this is why were homies. this is why were bros 4 life

**dorothea xoxo | Today at 6:21 PM**

are

are you... content with this, lin

**dont talk me im tired | Today at 6:22 PM**

yes

hes a dumbass

**youve stooped low enough for me to reach | Today at 6:22 PM**

HEY

**dont talk me im tired | Today at 6:22 PM**

however

consider

hes _my _dumbass

**youve stooped low enough for me to reach | Today at 6:23 PM**

HELL YEAH I AM

**Eagle 3 | Today at 6:23 PM**

And in the end that is all that truly matters!

The real Eagle and Lion Tournament was the friends we made along the way! :)

**byleth | Today at 6:25 PM**

caspar what abt ur bagle

**dont talk me im tired | Today at 6:25 PM**

caspar. is that smoke i smell

**youve stooped low enough for me to reach | Today at 6:25 PM**

** _OH FUCK_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so lets ignore the fact that it took me over two weeks to get this much out

**Author's Note:**

> this is absolutely self-indulgent but whatever i'm just here for a good time. i'm not gonna lie i've wanted to write this au for a long while so (peace sign) 14 yr old self this ones for u. i have no IDEA if any ships are gonna be in here (says the man clearly plugging sylvix in the first chapter). im very much writing this for fun/to complete one small thing before i move on to a bigger thing. also forgive my formatting i don't know jack shit about css/workskins so i can't make fancier looking reddit posts. also the chatlogs are meant to resemble the osu! chatlogs hence the lack of spacing between each line
> 
> in case it wasn't clear enough everyone's ign is based on either something heavily associated w the character or their individual paralogue reward/hero's relic. also i tried to make this not that terminology-heavy but there are still some things that are useful to know:
> 
> fc: full combo, playing through an entire song without missing a note  
aim: how well you can aim your cursor to the circle  
acc: accuracy, how on-beat you are/how accurately you hit the note  
pp: performance points, supposedly a quantitative measure of how good you are at the game  
jumps: notes that are placed far apart on the screen  
streams: many notes that appear very close to each other successively appearing. like a fast snake of notes basically  
hd: hidden, the notes appear briefly and then visually fade before you hit them  
dt: double time, song plays at "double" the speed (is actually like 1.75x in the actual osu game but shh)  
hr: hard rock, flips the notes so that they're arranged upside down, makes them smaller and harder to hit on time  
choke: missing a note near the end of a song you were fcing  
boost: having someone else play on your account to inflate pp
> 
> i think thats all i wanted to say hmu @honedragons on twt if u want to assassinate me for writing this instead of literally anything else. thank you for reading if you've made it this far <333


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